Cure Kevin

Well, its been one of those kinds of weekends. Thurs. was a Chemo Day and chemo days are just getting ugly. It seems like the effects are really hitting me hard and by the time I get home on Thurs, and most of the day on Friday, I’m pretty much wasted. I’m not getting the nasty side effects the docs keep talking about, but I just feel icky and tired; especially on Thurs. night. Its like every switch in your body gets flipped at once: you’re tired, but you can’t sleep; you’re hungry, but you don’t really want to eat; you’re sweating like a pig, but you’re freezing to death; and you feel constipated, but when ya gotta go, ya gotta go right now. It’s not much fun.

The good part is that I seem to be recovering a lot quicker. By Saturday afternoon, I’m feeling OK… not great, but OK. By Sunday, I can do my stuff at church, but I sure need a nap Sunday afternoon. This week, we got some snow Sunday night and, like a stupid hero, I snow-blowed the driveway. What a mistake that was; I could hardly keep my eyes open after that! Next time I’ll let my friend Marc plow the driveway and keep the snow blower in the garage! But overall, I seem to be recovering from my chemo a lot quicker than normal… I just hate the time between getting the chemo and the “feeling better”.

The bad part of the weekend doesn’t have that much to do with me. I’ve mentioned before that my brother-in-law is surviving with kidney cancer that’s spread to his lungs. We’ve been kind of “Chemo Soul Mates” through all of this; even though we haven’t experienced exactly the same things, the emotions and a lot of the physical trials have been very close to being the same, so he and I have a lot in common (we’re both about the same age). They put him on a killer chemo routine where he had to be hospitalized while they administered the chemo so they could keep an eye on him; it was not a fun protocol. It turns out that the whole routine did nothing and actually allowed the tumor to grow; he now has a tumor working on his heart. He and his family are now at that terrible cross-road where they have to decide if they stay on the chemo trail and hope for the best, or stop the chemo and spend the best time you can with your family.

My heart goes out to my sister and her family; I know that one day we’ll be faced with that kind of decision, too, and I know that is a day that I’m not looking forward to.

This is the most common question I get. So far now he is holding his own. He is getting stronger each day since he was hospitalized. Today was the best day for him-energy wise. He drove to and from church. He taught several songs to the children in church. He was his happy self all day.

I was a little worried about him on Thursday because he was getting ready to go to Marlene’s concert. She had a duet she was singing in. Kev just didn’t feel right (flushed, anxious, feeling constricted) and stayed home. I used my speakerphone on my cell phone and he heard her duet over the phone. He was fine once he got in comfortable clothes and rested.

He starts his chemo again this Thursday. The CAT scan that was taken when he was hospitalized showed that everything was unchanged. Which is good. The doctor said Kev may get another CAT scan at the end of this month. When we last saw our oncologist, I told him that I found out from other doctors that most people couldn’t tolerate the chemo Kev is on for as long as Kev has been on it. He shhhhhed me because we weren’t suppose to know that. He didn’t want me to jinx that Kev is doing so well on this chemo. He has not gotten the classic side effects, which normally comes with this particular chemo. Our doctor said this is a strong chemo.

So we go on with each day, have our ups and downs and I really don’t mind if someone asks, “How is he doing?” –Melanee

We have become acquainted with a couple in a nearby town, the husband had just recieved the same diagnosis as Kevin. (It’s interesting what brings people together.)When I called them they were just leaving to attend a dinner in their honor so we could not talk much. But, when I called a few days later he told me how touched they were of the out- pouring of generosity and true kindness they were given. The organizers were expecting two hundred but five hundred arrived. I commented on how these acts of kindness carry you through and keep you going.

Kevin and I really could not get through what we are living without the acts of kindness that have been given to us. There is not a week goes by where we have not received either a card, a call, a meal, a statement of “we are praying for you”, or offer of help. When so much turmoil is happening in the world there are really wonderful people that surround us and make the world right.

My list of what everyone has done would take pages. We are grateful. Unless you live our life you don’t know how much it means to us. Just yesterday morning I was trying to hack away the eight inches of frozen sleet on the front driveway. My daughter friend’s car got stuck in it the day before. The snow gets deeper in the front of the driveway from the snowplows clearing the street. Even with the ice chipper I could hardly make a dent in it. I just shaved the two inches of the top layer in the front of the driveway. That afternoon the Young Men in our church hacked away at the rest of frozen sleet on our driveway. All eleven teens and two adult leader got our whole driveway done a little over an hour. Our driveway is over 150 feet long. We didn’t know they were coming, but glad they did.

The people who donated to PanCAN for Marlene and Rachel’s half marathon in Miami meant so much. This really helped Marlene in a positive way get through such a trying time in her teenage life. Her run helped her realize she can do almost anything if she sets her mind to it and you can create something positive out of the trials she is living.

Kevin, our daughters, and I have been buoyed up by family, friends, and acquaintances through their gifts of love, prayer, and faith. We are truly rich.–Melanee

It wasn’t until after I became a Cancer Survivor that I was introduced to the term “Caregiver”. I’m sure that, like me, just from the name you can guess what this person does; they care for the cancer survivor. But what I’ve discovered is that just because the name is simple, the responsibility is far from that.

My “Caregiver” is my amazing wife, Melanee. From day-one, she’s taken responsibility for my care; making sure my meds are filled and that I take them when I’m supposed to; she’s with me at all my chemo and doctor sessions; and she’s always conscious of how I’m feeling so she can tell if there’s something that we need to worry about, and then does what needs to be done to take care of things.

Not only has she had my medical care forced upon her, but Mel has had to take over virtually all our household management as well. With my health, I’m not able to do much in the way of physical stuff around the house, so Mel has either had to step in or arrange for someone else to take care of things that go wrong. She has always handled the house finance, but now she has a myriad of hospital bills and insurance hassles to deal with. She has also had to learn a whole new “doctor dialog” so she can keep up with the mysterious dialog that surrounds all chemicals they’re pumping through my body.

The role of “Caregiver” is really much more than just giving care. In my case, my “caregiver” is so much more and I know that I definitely couldn’t carry on without her. I, for one, am beyond gratitude for the love and care that I get from my “Caregiver” and I know that this journey would be a lot more difficult, no… impossible, without her.

I kept meaning to finish this part but I figured you would just want to hear at least part of what I had to say before I got the rest of it.

So I’m finally telling you my side of the Miami Story. Well here’i goes.

  The whole thing seemed so unreal to me. I couldn’t even comprehend that the half marathon that I had been planning on for 4(ish) months was actually happening. It didn’t feel like we had actually raised almost $8,000 for PanCan and I was actually going to go run 13.1 miles. I still went through the motions of going to NY then to the airport and to the hotel but it all felt almost like a dream. I just couldn’t believe it.

  When we got to Miami, it was just plain beautiful. It was so nice to go outside and not worry about the bitter cold biting through you and chewing on your bones. It reminded me of San Diego with all the palm trees and the ocean and the nice warm breeze. It was a very nice change, especially coming from who-knows-how-cold weather. But that was just a perk, ya know.

  After we had gotten settled into our Hotel rooms(which were SO nice) and after I realized that the snacks provided were not complimentary-much to my disappointment-Rachie and I went to the PanCan Carb Loading Dinner. (I guess you’re supposed to eat tons of good carbs the week before a huge race, hence the Carb Loading Dinner.) Rachie and I sat at an empty table hoping that other people would come and join us because neither of us had near enough energy to go and be social. Other people did join our table and it ended up being quite nice. I’m so glad Auntie Rachie was there because she really helped me to loosen up and not be all awkwardized by all the new faces. I found out there that I was the youngest one on the PanCan team. That was a little strange to me, because I expected there to be more people my age, but maybe most kids my age are too concerned with other things to be running half marathons. It helped me to realize just how special this was. I never really understood why people were so proud of me and stuff because I wasn’t training as hard as say, Auntie Rachie was, but it hit me that night just how important this is.

Like Rachie, I had been very focused on my own family’s experiences and didn’t really branch that thinking out even if one of the main reasons why I did the marathon was to prevent other families from dealing with this disease. At the dinner I realized that other people went through the same pain and difficulty that I had gone through, but not just that, they had the same hope and determination that I had found in myself to try and make things right. I felt unique in that my experience came much earlier in my life than the other teammates and so I had a different perspective on things. At times I was jealous that they knew their loved ones until and old age and at times I was grateful for being home with Dad even if I do see him suffer. I feel like dealing with Dad’s illness has really helped me to grow and to find myself in a much greater light and this half marathon has helped me to see that progression I have made.

~Marlene

Dear Faithful Readers,

Auntie Rachie here. Marlene’s trusty running partner. Wow! What a privilege to have earned a spot on “the blog”! All I had to do was train for three months, raise a few thousand dollars and run a ½ marathon. Let me tell you, it was totally worth it. When we finished the race, Kevin quickly asked that I write an entry to share my thoughts.

I never expected to be able to respond to the “How did it go?” questions, “It was amazing! Awesome! Incredible!” Those feelings had nothing to do with the athletic achievement per say. It felt good, personally, to be able to physically handle the stress but it was particularly fantastic to share the experience with my sister, brother-in-law and niece. I must admit, dread filled my mind as we headed out to Miami. Almost all the training runs for a few weeks before the race were really tough and I just kept thinking, “What am I doing?! I was not made for this!” I’m still not sure I’m made for ½ marathons but I know what I was doing, so much more clearly now than I did before. I was supporting my sister’s family in a way that most people couldn’t and what’s more was that I was becoming aware of a huge need in the medical community.

Until Marlene and I met the rest of the team members on Saturday evening, all of my attentions were on how pancreatic cancer has affected my own family and that I was doing all of this just for my family. One by one, our teammates introduced themselves and told us why they were involved with PanCan. Not surprisingly, each of them were participating in the fundraiser on behalf of loved ones, the majority of whom had passed away months and years earlier. As each story went by, I started worrying about how Marlene was taking the stories. What she getting overwhelmed? Was it too much to hear this? Is she ok? She whispered, “Are we going to introduce ourselves or one of us will do the talking?” She was in complete control. She introduced us and matched their positive energy and resolve word for word and smile for smile. She said, “We’re here, running for my Dad. The chemo seems to be working right now and we’re all so happy about that. We need to run and raise money so that we can find more things that work.” There was excitement in their eyes when Marlene (the youngest member on the team) said that her Dad had been well enough to make the trip with us. The room lit up and so many instantly said, “Will we meet him tomorrow?!” It was amazing how open everyone was and I just couldn’t help but admire my family and their interest in serving others during a time in which it might be so easy to turn inward. I loved meeting these other people and I was overwhelmed with how happy I was that I could support my Webster family in their desire to reach out to their new support community.

They all seemed, rather than overwhelmed, almost relieved to be among others who understand them in ways that so many of us can’t. I am so grateful to have spent such valuable time with my family and other such wonderful people.

So all of this…and kicking my 18 year old niece’s cute buns (Ok…so ultimately we tied!) in a really long run made for an absolutely unforgettable weekend. I am so thankful to you all for your financial and moral support. It sincerely carried us. When Marlene was feeling really bad she said out loud, “All these people supported us…I can’t stop.” It was too cute! I’m lucky to have been a part of it. Thanks Websters for the invitation! I loved it.

Love,

Auntie Rachie

I have to give you my perspective on the ING Marathon Experience. All I can say is awesome!!! The expectations were beyond what I thought would happen. We arrived in Miami about 12 noon on Saturday-to a bright sunny day and beautiful scenery. We stayed at the Miami Inter-Continental Hotel on the water. You could see the cruise ships all lined up to start their voyages. We checked in, then went to the PanCAN welcome suite where we were given schedules and some PanCAN things like hats, stickers, purple ribbons, which we wore with pride. We found a shuttle to the convention center where all runners registered. There were 12,000 registered. So, the excitement was in the air and had the realization how huge this event is. Rachel and Marlene were psyched because this was really happening. All the preparation, running, exercising, and planning were about to be experienced it in less than 24 hours.

That evening Marlene and Rachel went to a carb dinner with the PanCAN team, so Kev and I met up with some friends, Jim and Kathy, and had dinner with them. They moved to Florida from CT a year ago. Jim runs marathons. So, it was wonderful to be with them and see that they are doing great in sunny Florida (of course). Jim told us that he qualified for the Boston Marathon coming up, too.

The PanCAN team met the next morning for pictures in the hotel lobby at 5:00 am. There I had the whole team sign my husband’s hat. We left at 5:30 to go to the starting line, which was about two blocks away. Well, as we stepped out of the hotel, “It was raining!” We were not prepared. We told the girls to go ahead with the team because the street was so full of people working there way to the line. Kev and I walked slowly but this overwhelming feeling came to me about how special this event was. All these people were striving for their personal best in whatever capacity they can. There were teams there for AIDS awareness, for children’s causes, for cancer awareness. Others were there just to make it a personal goal that they can complete this. Yes, the elite athletes are there to win, but everyone is there to positively encourage all who run this race.

It was dark and Kev and I were wet and we thought, “How are we going to find Marlene and Rachel in all this?”. We decided to go up to the American Airline building next to the starting line to get out of the rain. We approached and ran right into them and the team. I still don’t know how we were able to do that. I got their bags and stuff and they left to go to the starting line. The street was full of thousands of runners. The guns and small fireworks went off to start the runners. The rain was pouring down. It took 10 minutes all the runners for cross the start line. We lost Rachel and Marlene when they left to get in line.

Kev and I left to get back to the hotel and dry off. We were soaked. My fleece I was wearing had to be rung out several times. Found out that Marlene’s and Rachel’s phones that were in their bags got soaked and didn’t survive the experience. All our electronics got wet. We changed, rested, and an hour later went to the finish line. The rain stopped about 15 minutes after the start, so it was sunny and beautiful when we left to get a place at the finish line.

Kev sat at the ING bleachers while I stood about 100 feet from the finish line. ING had plastic blow up “sticks” that you hit together. I was having fun routing for all the half marathoners that were coming in, dancing to the music, and just having fun. The first of the wheelchair participants came in. Which we were all proud of and encouraged them as they came to the finish line. Then at 2 hours 17 minutes that first marathoner came in. He was from Ethiopia. The third place finisher came in running in socks. Then about 2 hours and 30 minutes, the first women marathoner crossed the finish line. She did not have one inch of body fat on her. She was “runner ripped”.

Then just shy of three hours Rachel and Marlene came together and crossed the finish line. They did it. They completed the half marathon. I was so excited for them. Kev and I left to find them past the finish line, but somehow missed them. Rachel found a phone and called us to tell us where they were. We connected and were so happy and proud of Marlene and her accomplishment. We were so glad to have Rachel there to support and help Marlene along the way. Rachel said the run was really good for her. She did really well physically, but Marlene hit a physical-mental wall at about 9 miles and had to be encouraged to finish it and not walk it. Our friend Kathy found them at that time and she ran and encouraged Marlene, too. Rachel and Marlene made it and ran the whole way. They were wearing their award’s medals with pride. Just as we finished our hugs and pictures we noticed Jim approaching the finish line and we were really glad we were able to cheer him on as he finished the marathon. ING did such a wonderful job putting this whole event together. We just came away with such a wonderful feeling.

What was really special was getting to know all the PanCAN team members, including John and Angela who headed up the organizing of the team. They were so supportive and awesome. Then getting to meet all the team members at lunch after the marathon was really special. All 25 members had their lives effected in someway by pancreatic cancer through father’s, mother’s, uncles, aunts, grandmothers, friends, etc. They were from all over the country. I found this event to be so important in striving to get the word out about how devastating pancreatic cancer is to those family members who have to live through it. We need more funding to get a grasp on why this cancer moves so fast and silent till it’s too late to help. We need more doctors to be aware of the symptoms so people can be diagnosed sooner. We need more research on how we can slay this beast.

What a weekend it was. It was so worth it. Marlene asked immediately when she can run the next half marathon. Pancreatic Cancer has really changed all our lives.

~ Melanee

Just a quick update to let you know that I’m home from the hospital. Melanee was feeling well enough to come and get me around 5:00. It’s good to be back in familiar surroundings with familiy. Oh…and not having to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes is a good thing, too!

In my last post, I mentioned that I did pretty well on our trip to Miami. We all had a great time and I handled the travel and walking around without too much difficulty.

One of the concerns we had traveling was my reduced immune system because of my chemo treatments. It looks like those concerns may have been well-founded…

On Tuesday, I was busy working and getting some things done and it got to be about 3:00 in the afternoon when all of a sudden I was hit with a bout of diarrhea. We’d been warned that this may be a side effect of my chemo, but I wasn’t ready to accept that yet. Not long after this initial bout, I was hit with a bout that was like a fire hose opening up (sorry if you’re getting too much info here!). Along with the diarrhea came severe stomach cramps. Me, being the macho optimist that I am, thought I could take care of all this with the drugs we had in the house. Of course, Melanee rescued me from that mindset by calling the Cancer Center, where they told us to head for the emergency room. So, about 8:00, that’s what we did.

Fortunately, they were expecting us at the emergency room and we got right in. After several blood tests, an X-Ray, and a CAT Scan, we were admitted to the hospital (by now it was about 3:00 AM on Wed. morning). The doctors were reluctant to give me anything to stop the diarrhea because they weren’t sure what was causing it. They thought it might be a bacterial infection and if that was the case, they wanted it to run its course and letting the diarrhea go would help that process. Needless to say, the bathroom and I got to be very close.

Thursday morning, Melanee came to visit me at the hospital and found she was very tired when she got here. She laid down for a bit and all of a sudden, felt nausea and diarrhea hit. Guess what Mel got as a gift from me? Docs then realized it was probably a viral infection (since it could be communicated so easily) and started me on drugs to stop the diarrhea. I was obviously THRILLED that the drugs worked, but not that Mel was now not feeling well.

It’s Friday afternoon and I’m still at the hospital. I haven’t heard when they’ll be letting me go, but I’m VERY anxious to get home and see Mel and Marlene. I didn’t realize how much I really miss having them around me… it gets awful lonely in this hospital room with nothing but the soap operas to keep me company. I’m hoping to be home by tonight, but I think it may be tomorrow before I get out of here. Either way, I can’t wait… I’ve gotten too used to having the love of my life with me.