Cure Kevin

This is just a note to say that due to the huge response many people wanted an update on how the family is doing in the future. Marlene graduates this Tuesday and Mallory will get married on Friday, Ashley and Pat bought a house, and Leah is expecting our first grandson, little Kevin, in the beginning of August. A new blog will also give me a way to communicate to anyone who is interested in any family efforts (ie: pancreatic cancer awareness, etc) we may be involved in.

I want to create a legacy for my husband and I really don’t want his memory to ever fade. So, I will consult another go-to computer wizard to help me start another blog so those who are interested can peek a little bit into our lives.  When the blog is ready I will put the link here.  Here it is:  http://websterlife.com/

The people who came to pay respect was overwhelming. The hundreds of people who came for the viewing and others who filled the church and extended gym really showed who Kev was as a person. I cannot thank all those who have showered our daughters and I with love and support this past week.

I asked Geoff to give the eulogy. It’s hard to find the words to say how eloquently he wrote and portrayed Kev so well. Most of his eulogy is on his blog, http://www.geofffox.com/MT/archives/2007/06/01/my_friend_kevin.php

(I think Kev is still with me because I just figured out how to put the link in.)

Bill, our friend who gave us our weekend up in New Hampshire in November, said some wonderful words about Kev and his service in the church and as a friend. Then his sister Tami had some funny stories to tell about her brother Kevin as they grew up together with two other sisters. Then my sister, “Half-Marathon” Rachel, was spokesman to my daughters who had some funny stories to tell about their dad. Then my father was my spokesman and I wrote about Kev as my husband, best friend, and partner. There was a memory board where people could write about experiences with Kev. I will scrapbook these and be comforted in the days ahead as I read them. A video of family pictures was also put together which people could watch before the funeral. We had a display table put together of his various interests: lap top, computer books, cast iron dutch oven, kayaking oar, scriptures, PanCAN hat that the team signed at the marathon in Miami, ham radio equipment, a smore tree(sticks with marshmallows) and other things.

I wish everybody could have been there to witness the words used about my husband. Or maybe you already have through visiting our blog and understand our life battling pancreatic cancer.

His sister Tami gave our family a wonderful gift and printed the blog with all the comments in book form for my daughters and I to read. So now I can read it like a book and remember our journey this past year and be comforted by Kevin’s writings. I never thought this blog would touch so many people in the way it did. Kev’s goal was to inform our family who are spread far and wide, but it did more. It taught people that we can face the challenges with dignity and triumph. Using humor we can have a good attitude to fight. And we can rely on God to comfort us and sustain us through the storms in our lives.

People sometimes have a hard time trying to find the words to comfort me. I agree I have gone through something that will challenge the very core of my soul. But, I have seen other families who have their challenges or crosses to bare too. Everyone is given something in some degree either through their own personal decisions which create natural consequences or as Kev used to say, “You are just dealt this card”.

My daughters asked me if I will continue the blog. I think the blog has accomplished its goal in showing what we have gone through and our steps along the way during this battle. Kev cannot physically keep this blog going and our journey has ended with Kev’s passing. But, for us as a family we still continue with our journey trying to face the challenges ahead and keep Kev’s memory alive.

I cannot say thank you enough for all your support and acts of kindness. Please keep Kev in your thoughts and prayers because all of us here on earth or working in heaven need them. My daughters and I give our best to you. Those who have challenges in their lives keep on going with a good attitude, and keep counting your blessings along the way.

My best to all,

Melanee

My girls and I were all together at Kev’s bedside this morning as we witnessed his passing. He is pain-free now. We are at peace knowing that he is in better hands. Waves of grief rush over us through the day and we have been blanketed with lots of love and service from so many people.

Wake and Funeral services will be held Wednesday, June 6 at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,

100 Williamson Dr. Waterbury                             

Wake: 4 pm to 6:30    Funeral: 7 pm

In lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to PanCAN. Check the PanCAN website for Kevin’s donation page. Similar to how you could donate for Marlene’s marathon. I can’t get my cute computer geek husband to put the link up, so hopefully you can navigate. www.firstgiving.com/honorkevinwebster

Also, donations can be made to the missionary fund for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Kev served six years as Bishop of the Waterbury Ward and so loved to serve the people and youth. Details on how to do this can be obtained by local leaders.

I had to let go of my rope yesterday. I tried with all my might, but Kev is needed for some important work. I guess he was the only one that God knew could do the job.

The cancer has weakened Kev’s body. It’s was so hard to let go of my rope and accept what is to happening in the near future. I brought Kev to the emergency room Tuesday because he had some confusion and agitation. They found out that his blood is DIC. In my less than accurate way of explaining, it cannot clot anymore and support the body. The process is happening fast we are trying to cherish every minute with him. We brought him home with hospice care and my girls are all here right now supporting each other, helping us, and crying too.

Yes, this is the one entry I wish I didn’t have to write. Kev really cannot write for himself now, but he would say that he lived with cancer with dignity and fight and a little joking too. He touched so many people with his willingness to serve and help. We found he had a little talent for writing too. I was honored to be by his side as we worked together in our marriage, raising four wonderful daughters, and serving the Lord in any capacity we could.

We will keep you posted with his changes. My deepest gratitude to all who used your thoughts and prayers for good because he did so well surviving as long as he has. We have all witnessed miracles and I hope Kev’s example will help you love your family a little deeper and have gratitude for the little things in life. With much love and devotion to all of you……Melanee 

We have been getting quite a few phone calls asking how Dad has been doing so I think it’s time for a little update.

Dad is in the hospital again. He was really dizzy, getting really weak and mentally not quite there for a few days so my mom decided to bring him in even though it seems like he just got out. He hasn’t improved much, at least mentally, but the fluids are improving his kidney functions and hopefully his strength.

He’s still there,I don’t know when he’s getting out or why he’s dizzy or confused,although it might just be dehydration. Mom should know more information. She’s been staying with him at the hospital while Mallory and I have been home. I definitely don’t like not being there but in this case it’s probably better since school’s going on and such.  

I never knew just how much dehydration could affect the body. Make sure you drink your water or there could be some serious malfunctions going on, like having your kidneys funtioning at a much lower level than they should be. That’s my word of advice for the day.

Thank you for all of your concern and support. It really does mean a lot.

~Marlene

Don’t wait to say “I love you”. Don’t think that just ’showing’ it is enough. Say it today, and actually get to know your family members. They’re more than just a brother or sister or whatever relative they are to you. It might be surprisingly enlightening. That is all.

~Marlene

We are in full swing trying to fight this battle. Kev’s body seems to be getting a one-two punch more and more these past weeks. We went to our usual appointment ready to talk more strategies and his body is not cooperating. The regular blood work was done and the oncologist was concerned with the white blood count being up and the liver functions not at their best. He didn’t want to start the new mix till he had more information. He sent us to the ER and was admitted for a few more tests. We were there for a little over a day, answers were found and they sent us home to start the new mix.

Kev was a little uneasy starting it, with no medical supervision, it’s a pill. He had visions of his allergic reaction to the taxotere still in his mind. So, we took another trip to the cancer center and took the pill and hung out in case there was another reaction. He did well and went home to rest.

Our granddaughter Anya is visiting us this weekend. The first thing she said to Kev when we got back from the hospital is. “Hi Grandpa, Are you okay?” We giggled, but realized she is in tune. The girls are here helping. They insisted on moving our bedroom downstairs so Kev doesn’t have to climb the stairs anymore. They also went to get cake samples for Mallory’s wedding cake today. We are getting all the plans accomplished for her wedding. They are going well because Mallory is so organized.

I was also thinking that yesterday, a year ago, is when the symptoms started to appear. Kev couldn’t keep food down starting the Friday before Memorial Day and here we are. In reality I consider him a one year pancreatic cancer survivor. But, he was officially hospitalized June 23 and diagnosis was made June 30. This has been quite a battle we have been fighting and I am ready, willing, and able to fight. I stand with conviction and determination to do all I can to support my husband in this as he goes through the physical and mental war that he has been waging for a year now.

Each of you has been a part of this battle. I picture all of us on a huge field with our armor, shields, and swords. You are surrounding us  and using your swords to slay this beast. All of you have done so much for us which has given us the strength to fight and help Kev keep this beast at bay.

Ok, I know I reminded you about Relay’s fundraising already( and I thank those who have so generously contributed already) but there’s one more bit of information that I left out.

As part of the Luminaria Ceremony(with a key speaker on someone’s cancer story and musical numbers, a picture slide show, etc-very touching) you can order Luminaries. Luminaries are little paper bags with tea lights in them (wax coated to prevent fires) that have the name of either a cancer survivor or a cancer victim on the bag. The bags honor those people who have fought such a great battle and they also help to fund Relay for Life. Each bag is $5 and although it doesn’t contribute to my particular team, that money still goes towards the American Cancer Society.

If you’re interested you can download the order form from here http://www.cheshirerelay.org/Forms/RelayLuminaria.pdf  fill it out and either mail it to the address on there or give it to me. All check contributions (luminaries and team contributions) are made to American Cancer Society.

I think it would be nice to see Dad’s name as I walk the track.

Kev and I took another trip to the ER this past Tuesday evening. Kev’s pain had increased and had shortness of breath. The pain moved to his chest area and it felt the same as when he had the blood clot.We arrived about midnight. As he was getting his tests one ER staff member said “You look familiar” I said we should look familiar because you have helped us the past three ER visits since January. They ruled out anything with the heart,the blood clot was resolved and watched Kev for 24 hours. They sent us home on Thursday morning with no answers on why he still has the pain. I am sure we will find out Monday when we see our oncologist.

We were finished in the ER about 4:30 am and Kev was transported to a hospital room for observation. The routine is the covering doctor or resident meets with us and asks the regular questions.  Can you tell me what your original diagnosis is? Answer: Pancreatic Cancer. Do you smoke? answer: No, Do you drink?  answer: No, Do you have a family history of Pancreatic Cancer? answer: No.
The doctor who asked these same questions to us was sincere and compassionate in his statement after he heard our answers he said, ” I am so sorry God did this to you.” He said this to each one of us and took our hand in both his hands. He really felt bad for us. I wished I had said something after he made that comment because the doctor was sincere, but I wanted to point out that I don’t agree. It was 4:30 in the morning and I was numb and unable to organize my thoughts.

I really don’t feel that God did this to us. Through all of this I have not been angry nor blaming God for what we are going through. God is loving and merciful. Our world was created for us to use for different purposes in our life, so we can live in beauty and have the bounties of the earth to sustain us. I know God knew what we were about to experience and put together the people and support systems around us to help make us get through our journey.

For me the statement should be, “I am so sorry for what man has done to you.” Because people and companies have not been good stewards of our earth and have polluted the sky, water, and land or made products that are harmful.  Man did not think of the consequences of decisions that were made that would effect mankind.

Or the doctor could have said, “I am sorry for being born in a family with the genetic disposition for pancreatic cancer” We don’t think this statement is true for us, but there are other families who have to deal with it.

So, I feel bad I could not have a heart to heart discussion about his statement because I think he would have a wider understanding of Kev and I and the new life we live.

I’d just like to remind you all that I’m still fundraising for the Relay for Life event which raises money for the American Cancer Society. You can donate online through this link   

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=190342&supId=172043653   or see me if you’d rather pay by cash or check. So far I have $200 and my goal is to have $500 by June 5.

Thank you for your support.

~Marlene